Guide to a better wedgie

Disclaimer: Before you read the following work, the people at PHATPAT productions would like to state that they are not liable for any injury or mental brake down that is a result from reading the following. This information is designed to stimulate laughter, so you must have a sense of humor to read this essay. Thank you and enjoy this magnificent example of literature. :)

PHATPAT'S Guide to a better wedgie

Receiving a well deserved wedgie is an art form. Getting a wedgie from an older brother is standard; it's in their DNA. Some of the best wedgies can come from complete strangers. Everyone has their own method and or style to giving and receiving a wedgie. This paper will help you better understand the basics of receiving a wedgie; the history, preparation, motivation, and acceptance.

History:

To better understand the wedgie you should know where it originated or the "Wedgie History," if you will. The wedgie was developed by frat boys in the early part of the 20th century as a form of hazing. The fact that the wedgie is such a recent discovery allows the wedgie to remain a growing art. The wedgie has stood the test of time and will continue to be used as a form of humiliation for years to come. (None of the above information has been proven.)

Preparation:

Make sure you have underwear on, this is imperative for this project to suceed. The elastic band on the top edge of the underwear should be exposed, allowing it to ride about an inch higher than the waist of your pants. This gives the wedgier or wedginator a better handle to provide the wedgie that you have been longing for. You now must locate an attacker; this is difficult because you and only you must motivate them.

Motivation:

Now just because your underwear is exposed does not mean you will automatically receive a wedgie. First, you must motivate someone else to allow the wedgie to commence. (Tip: Pick someone taller than you this will only add to the wedgie satisfaction.) I find the best way to antagonize someone to give you a wedgie is to say key phrases to anger them just enough to give you a wedgie, but not enough to punch you in the face. The following are some phrases that will help you get the wedgier movitated to give you the wedgie you desire:

1. "Bet you can't get me to scream like a girl and make me look like a fool, right now."

2. "Dude, I have no idea what a thong feels like." (At this point bend over to tie your shoe leaving your underwear band completely exposed. Note: for best results, do not bend at the knees.)

3. (And the the classic) "Hey, look my underwear band, what you going to do about it."

Now there are many types of wedgies, the kind of wedgie you receive depends on the kind of attacker you choose and their current mood.

Styles:

Everybody has their own style to giving a wedgie. Some just like to give a quick "grab and release," like an uncle or relative. Others prefer to watch you dangle like a worm on a hook; it has something to do with watching your legs flailing around. These types of wedgies are called "super wedgies," this should detach your underwear band from the rest of the underwear; "super wedgies" mainly come from older brothers and frat boys. The most famous and painful wedgie is called the "Atomic wedgie." These wedgies should result in your underwear band being completely pulled over your head, this is only given by the most heartless of attackers like Police Officers or Oprah. After you have received a wedgie you have to be prepared to deal with the emotional break down that will ensue. Following every wedgie is a series of stages, there is anger, sadness, humiliation, and finally acceptance.

Acceptance:

Acceptance can be very difficult for some people. The humiliation is sometimes too much for a victim to deal with, they feel ashamed. You should feel proud that you were able to manipulate someone into touching your underwear. The idea behind a wedgie is to be embarrassed, and that is exactly how you should feel. If you go around and act like you enjoy the wedgie people will just think you're weird. Its even worse if you write a guide on receiving wedgies.

Closing:

This guide should have educated you on the proper methods of receiving a wedgie. The wedgie is what separates us from the animals. Please do not abuse this power. There is something special about having your underwear cause you pain and humiliation. You should now better understand the basics of receiving a wedgie; preparation, motivation, and acceptance.

-I can't believe you just read a guide on receiving a wedgie.

PHATPAT productions is glad you read the above information, we hope you enjoyed.